Brian Sullivan

Why is it that we fall in love? Why is it the moment he walks in the room, the world has new meaning?

We fall in love someone close to us, or the timing is right, or someone exudes an elevated sense of mystery that matches unconscious traits learned in childhood.

Suddenly, our whole being focuses in on them. There is an intense craving: an intense emotional craving to be with a particular person that transcends sex.

You need them to call to ring and let you know they love you. You are obsessed with them thinking about them all day and night. Our brain compels us to be with that person.

You may casually reject an invitation to sex and yet feel suicidal if slighted by your lover. So intense is the desire that people universally claim they will die for him.

Is love nothing more than a neurological trick to perpetuate the species by finding the ideal breeding partner? An evolutionary sleight of hand designed to make us so sexually possessive that we form a bond strong enough to raise children?

MRI evidence explains there are three brain centers triggered by romantic love. Love is not an emotion according to researcher Helen Fisher, but a craving, just like craving for chocolate. It is part of our neurological makeup.

On one level there is the elation of early love, on another a craving for sexual intimacy, and thirdly long term sense of attachment calm and security of long term commitment. Perhaps it is this third neurological process, with its distinct brain centre, that over rides your concern for those niggling irritations your spouse presents.

We so strongly desire to connect that in our hunger for communion we often forget that love endures when complimented by restraint. It is balanced by an awareness of our own needs and desires to receive love.

Perhaps this is why people who marry later divorce less.


Love is empowered by its contradictions and by the challenges it forces on us and heightened by mystery.

Where there are no limits, passion burns out. Unrestrained electrical circuit short circuits. Constrained by wires, electricity can face a resistance and power a motor.

Like electricity we seek the shortest route and often miss the greatest passion achieved through restraint.

In the realm of sexuality, tantra enhances passion by lengthening and feeding on pleasure to an almost spiritual ecstasy. Yet Western society promotes instant gratification where nudity is so common place that the mystery of love is lost.

This then leads us to ask is there a greater meaning in life? Are the neurological processes of love simply a biological accident for mating? Or is it a Divine process to designed to help us yearn for greater purpose and connection?

According to Kabbalah, human life is a love affair between the soul and G-d. The spark of G-d in all creation yearns to reunite with the creator. Like lovers driven to distraction who may act in ways that can even harm their love, man’s search for meaning has often crossed the bounds of sanity.

These patterns repeat in all levels of creation – including the emotional realm. True love transcends our neurological drive and ego. Rather than deny these desires they are cultivated and elevated to a spiritual level.

Love is fostered by mutual spiritual giving and commitment teaches Kabbalah. It is greater than mutual attraction or chemistry. Mutually spiritual achievement results in a deep spiritual oneness that enhances emotional and sexual satisfaction.

In Shakespeare’s play, Juliet explains “I look to like if looking liking move.” In love, we must do the same, other wise familiarity degenerates into lack of respect.

A Kabbalist looks to like and find the good in life and embrace life’s contradictions. He believes that everything is ultimately good you must accept life’s contradictions to see it.

In the same way, total acceptance of our partner makes it possible to help our partners grow. We are not blind to their faults, we just chose to work with them and enhance our partner’s strengths and inspire them by working on ourselves. By the reflection of ourselves reacting to our environment our family and lover we become develop greater unity.

Although Kabbalist's believe that everything is ultimately for good, the more you study the more you are forced to face life's paradoxes. One of those paradoxes is the difference between the sexes.

Femininity is respected in Kabbalah as a force that will eventually help reunite mankind. By learning to grow from each others differences in a spirit of unity helps develop an intensely personal bond.

Where a man may seek to feel comlete by expanding his realm, the femine world accommodates and includes.

“A king without a queen, the Zohar says, is neither great nor a king” said Rabbi Menachem Shcneerson.

“For it is the woman who empowers the man to conquer his space. And it is the man who empowers the woman to penetrate and nurture hers.

“And then the man will learn from this woman that he, too, can reach within others and provide nurture. And the woman will learn that she, too, can conquer.”

Mind Power Masters

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